Episode 2 – “Finally Got A Man…Now What?”

To hear this podcast, click here.

So as is common among women – we finally get into a new relationship after having been single for so long and now we don’t know what to do with ourselves.  We love the idea of being with this new man however, there’s still some lingering doubt in our minds.  Is this the one? Could this be real? What if he isn’t telling me the truth? What if he isn’t where he says he is? What if he is cheating on me? What if he is losing interest in me? What if he is just another man that’s going to break my heart?

Well I’m hear to tell you to STOP. Yes, STOP ladies.  Like, first of all, if you have allowed yourself to get into a relationship with a trashbag dude then this podcast isn’t for you. Lol. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it’s going to work out, that you two are going to make it or any of those other things that your friends are telling you when they need to be telling you the truth. If he was a trashbag dude from the beginning you won’t be able to change him.  Men change when they are ready, not when YOU are ready. Point. Blank. Period. Sorry to break it to ya sis.

This podcast, however, is for the ladies out there who have found themselves a good man but also find themselves hurt from previous relationships and realize that all of that doubt that creeps into their minds stems from their own fears. Ladies – you cannot allow the pain of the past or the fear of the present to dictate your future! 

If this man hasn’t given you a reason to believe that he isn’t telling you the truth, that he’s cheating on you or that he’s going to break your heart then why are you giving so much energy to those negative thoughts?! Your relationship is going to pass you by and you’re not going to be able to enjoy it because you’re so busy focusing on the what ifs.

Even more – are you taking all of that negative energy to your man?  Are you constantly asking him where he’s at and who he’s with?  Are you constantly checking your phone craving a text message from him because you fear he’s lost interest?  Are you constantly asking him about life goals and where he sees a future going because you’re unsure if he’s the one?

Look ladybug, I’m happy that you finally got a man.  Heck I finally got my man in January 2017 after a four-year hiatus!  BUT if you are not fully healed from your past then you are already bringing complications into your relationship. I speak from experience. Instead of wondering where he’s at and who he’s with, you need to ask yourself why are you insecure?  Instead of wondering if he’s the one, you need to ask yourself why you are trying to rush into marriage?  Instead of wondering if he’s losing interest in you and checking your phone every five minutes, you need to channel that energy and find yourself some things to do outside of your man!  Ladies trust me when I tell you, men aren’t as emotional as us so they don’t realize that texting throughout the day, talking everyday etc. are things we like.  BUT, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t thinking about us.  In my opinion, they just do a better job about balancing their life and their priorities while we are guilty of making them our top and only priority.  Find yourself some hobbies boo and I bet you’ll begin to see things differently.

All in all I just want to encourage you to focus on healing first, to let go of the pains of your past and fear of being hurt and enjoy what life is presenting right in front of you – your man.

Lord knows I’m enjoying every bit of my man and I hope that you enjoy every bit of yours.

Until next time queens, be empowered.

~Videllia

This has been a Videllia Davis production. Be sure you are following me on social media @only1lady_v or on my website: http://www.only1v.com

“He’s Just Not That Into You”

A friend sent me the picture below not too long ago and it instantly reminded me of a time in my life (well let’s be honest here – SEVERAL times in my life lol) where I was all sad because I found myself interested in a man who obviously was not interested in me.  I remember one specific time, texting my friend these little crying face emoji’s (I know pathetic right? lol) as I was reminiscing on the times that I had shared with a man of my past that I no longer shared.

But then reality hit? What times did we actually share?

img_20161107_201555The late night text messages asking me to come over whenever it was convenient for him? The occasional meal that we shared only for weeks to go by in between when I would hear from him again?  The pretending like he didn’t know me in public but trying to be profess his “love” for me in private? When I actually stopped to take time to think about it – we didn’t really have any memorable moments for me to be sad at! In fact, the only thing that that man had done in my life was actually draw me further away from God. I began to put him on the throne instead of God. But still, I knew he liked me.  I mean, sure, it took him a while to respond and he never initiated conversations or dates or whatever but he was just busy right?

Does any of that sound familiar? Oh no? So you gone act like it was just me out here making excuses for these men huh? Lol, that’s okay.  The first step towards getting better for your life is admitting when you’ve been wrong. You see, as women, we make excuses for a man’s actions instead of accepting it for what it is.  If a man is interested in you (and not just your body, what you can do for him, etc.), he will show it.  Point. Blank. Period.  And guess what? You won’t have to convince yourself that he’s into you. You’ll just know it!

Something that we do often is try to create pieces to fit into a puzzle that were never destined to be there.  Still confused? Simply put, there is no sense in trying to force something that God never intended for you to have in the first place.  And just in case, you glossed over that part, let me repeat it to you–

THERE IS NO SENSE IN TRYING TO FORCE SOMETHING THAT GOD NEVER INTENDED FOR YOU TO HAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Write that down. Say it out loud. Make it your background on your phone. Go all Being Mary Jane with it, if you must!  Whatever you have to do to remind yourself that you deserve more then do it! You deserve someone who will initiate phone calls (and not just text messages), who will actually plan a date (instead of telling you to come over and Netflix and Chill), who will let you know where you stand in his life (instead of showing you he wants all the benefits of a boyfriend/husband without actually committing to you), who will tell you when he’s thinking about you (instead of ignoring you), and who is consistently around and trying to be around you.  And anyone who isn’t doing those things simply just isn’t into you beautiful.

You deserve a man who will make you a priority so stop settling for less! God’s very best man is out there and he’s ready to show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. (Sorry, I really love the movie Aladdin and that song is my jam lol).

Until next time loves….know your worth!

~Videllia

Day 24: I Am a One in a Million Kind of Gal (Guy)

Key Reminder #4: “Know your worth, then add tax!” ~Everyone

The most important thing to remember is to know your worth…then add tax! You are a one in a million kind of person. There is NO ONE else like you here on Earth. No one. You were uniquely created to be the man or woman that God has called you to be. He created you wonderfully, masterfully, worthy, in only a manner that he can. He has set you apart because you are a precious gem, valuable beyond measure and worth more than many sparrows and rubies. Even though you may go through life feeling like your flaws define you, you should lift your ahead and learn to be comfortable in your perfect imperfections, flaws and all. That is the true essence of beauty.

You are one of a kind! Rare. Precious. In fact, it’s like you are a hidden treasure. Someone has to seek to find you because there is nothing and no one else like you on this planet. That makes me excited. Aren’t you? To know that I am so rare and precious that a man has to seek God in order to find me lets me know how worthy I truly am. That’s why I no longer allow myself to be treated as anything less than TREASURE and you shouldn’t either. No matter what comes your way in life, always know who you are, WHOSE you are and know your worth!

~Videllia


#KnowYourWorthChallenge: On Day 2 of the series, I asked you all to write down your responses to the questions: What does God say I’m worth, what is my worth in relationships and what is my worth in general. I want you to go back and re-read those responses. Now that you’ve completed the series, are your responses still the same? What have you learned from the series that has caused you to change your responses now? Comment below.


Copyright © 2017 Videllia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Day 23: I Am A Queen

Key Reminder #3: “There is a reason why the queen is the most powerful piece on the chessboard.” ~Everyone

Today’s #KnowYourWorth summary is especially for the ladies!!! Being a woman myself, I understand how easy it is for us to question our value and self-worth. How easy it is for us to be swayed (sometimes) by the comments from a man that we love and who claims to love us. How easy it is not to want to stand up for ourselves and to get walked on by those around us. But the one thing we have to remember is regardless, we are STILL queens! And there’s a reason why the Queen is the most powerful piece on the chessboard.

No one but women will understand what it means to truly be a woman. The emotional pains that we go through, the physical pains (oh how I wish Mother Nature would take a vacation for one month, just one month! Lol), the smiling big even when we are crying within. The feeling that we need to appear stronger, tougher, less vulnerable and to protect ourselves so that no one uses our vulnerability against us. But you my dear are not only valuable and worthy…you are POWERFUL. Powerful beyond measure! So stop allowing others to cause you to doubt yourself. Yes, you are worthy of marriage. Yes, you are worthy of that promotion. Yes, you are worthy of that job. Yes, you are worthy of achieving your goals. And yes, you CAN do it!

~Videllia


#KnowYourWorthChallenge: Si se puede! (Yes I Can!) And yes, YOU can too! In what ways are you going to challenge your naysayers (i.e. the haters) and encourage yourself to push past the negativity and accomplish the things that you want to do in life? Comment below.


Copyright © 2017 Videllia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Day 22: I Am A Pink Starburst

Key Reminder #2: “Never let anyone treat you like a yellow starburst. You, my dear, are a pink starburst.” ~Author Unknown

I LOVES me some pink Starbursts. Like. Best. Invention. Ever. I was even happier when they finally came out with an all pink and red package of Starbursts. I never had to suffer through another yellow or orange starburst again. I remember growing up (and even now), I would sort through the package and pull out only the pinks and reds and discard the yellows and oranges.

I laugh as I reminisce on that because I see how valuable the pink (and red) Starbursts were to me. So when I came across this quote on the internet, I thought it was very fitting as one of the summary topics for this series. You my dear are a pink starburst. All throughout the series, I have encouraged you to realize your worth for yourself and to be confident in it. So as you continue onward with your journey’s, don’t allow anyone or anything to discard you like you are a worthless individual. Whether that’s a beau, friend, foe, job, family member, etc. you should never be treated as anything less than the valuable woman or man that you are. Remember, if you find yourself in a situation where you are being treated as less than your true value, then you should reevaluate that situation and make changes as necessary. Maybe you’re worthy of it but it’s not worthy of you!!!

And if it’s not necessarily a situation that makes you feel devalued but is instead a your own views toward yourself then look yourself in the mirror and say positive affirmations daily until you start to believe that you are worth all that life has to offer and so much more. In either case, know that you are a pink starburst and you should always be treated as such!

~Videllia


#KnowYourWorthChallenge: How will you use what you have learned/are learning from the KnowYourWorth Series in your life? Let me know below!


Copyright © 2017 Videllia Davis. All Rights Reserved.

Day 21: I AM Enough

“You are ENOUGH; do not let anyone tell you differently.” ~Videllia Davis (that’s me haha)

I was following one of my fellow bloggers, Ms. Juni Desiree and she had a post a while back titled What One Thing Do You Want to Say?

In it she discusses a question posted by Jeff Goins on his blog:  If you had one thing to say to the world, what would it be.  He challenged his readers to come up with their own thing as well.

As I read her post and commented my one thing, it provided me inspiration to write this blog.

So if I had one thing to say to the world, I would tell the world that: you are enough; do not let anyone tell you differently.

Oftentimes, we as people, struggle with our ability to see our worth in ourselves.  We struggle with feeling like we are enough.  Perhaps, I’m making a false assumption thinking that you all struggle with this so I’ll just speak for myself.

I grew up being raised by my grandmother.  My mother was in the world at the time and my father was barely in my life.  Though I would see my mother on occasion, I did not truly have a relationship with her.  Though my father would occasionally send me a birthday gift, I did not truly have a relationship with him. In fact, my brothers and I even spent some time in child protective services because we had no other place to go.  Thankfully, my grandmother took us in soon after, though, she had her own issues with raising us as well.  I loved my grandmother – God rest her soul – but she often was abusive verbally and physically to my brothers and other relatives.

So then began my struggle of feeling like I’m enough. I often struggled with insecurities because I felt like if I’m not enough for my own parents to want to raise me then how can I be enough in this world?

I began to move through life seeking validation from everyone and everything.  I challenged myself to be the best academically, going on to win the 4th Grade Spelling Bee, being Valedictorian of my 6th Grade class, Coca-Cola National Scholar, Fort Worth Links Scholarship Recipient, President of several clubs in high school, and graduating Valedictorian of my high school class.

Fast forward to college life, I met a guy and got engaged to him.  He became my world. I made him my world.  My everything.  I desperately wanted so badly for him to see my worth and feel like I was good enough.  Soon after, I discovered that – well let’s just say that I discovered I wasn’t his type (mmhm).  That crushed me from inside deep places that I never even knew existed.

And those feelings of not being enough continued onward.  I entered additional relationships after that, each leaving me more broken than the first.  I found myself being attracted to guys who were verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, who threatened my safety, who made me fear them and I stayed with them all far too long all because I wanted to feel like I was enough.

I began to seek my validation from them, from the title of being their fiancé/girlfriend, from the comments and likes they got when they posted a pic of us on social media that I lost sight of the most important thing.

I WAS (AM) ALREADY ENOUGH.

You see, my worth, my validation, my approval – all of those feelings that I kept striving for – I discovered are ultimately rooted in Christ.  I am enough just as I am, flaws and all.

I’m reminded of a movie that came out in 2001.  You may remember it. It was titled “Enough” and starred J.Lo.  I googled a quick synopsis of the movie on IDMB and the following summary popped up:

“After running away fails, a terrified woman empowers herself in order to battle her abusive husband.”

I like this summary because you can tweak it for any insecurity you face as you struggle with your own feelings of not being enough.  I’m going to tweak it here to show you as an example but I encourage you all to do the same – if you ever struggle with not feeling like you’re enough, write down this statement and post it somewhere so that it can serve as a constant reminder that YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. EXACTLY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE. EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE.

“After running away fails, a terrified Videllia empowers herself in order to battle her feelings of insecurity.”

“After running away fails, a terrified Videllia empowers herself in order to battle her lack of confidence.”

“After running away fails, a terrified Videllia empowers herself in order to battle against seeking the approval and validation of others.”

“After running away fails, a terrified Videllia empowers herself in order to battle against feelings of not being good enough, not being adequate, not worthy.”

After you’ve done that and have listed out your own sentences, I want you to write down the sentence one last time, except now, I don’t want you to complete the sentence as I have done below.

“After running away fails, a terrified Videllia empowers herself.”

Focus on that word, “empower”.  My prayer for you all is that you find the strength to empower yourself through any negative feelings that may be getting you down.  Empower yourself knowing that you are ENOUGH.

~Videllia


#KnowYourWorthChallenge:  DOUBLE TAP IF YOU PLAN TO READ TODAY’S POST ON MY WEBSITE.  After you’ve finished reading it, your challenge for today is to come up with your own statement of empowerment.  (You’ll know what I’m referring to if you’ve read the post J). My statement in the post was, ““After running away fails, a terrified Videllia empowers herself in order to battle against feelings of not being good enough, not being adequate, not worthy.”  Comment your statement of empowerment below.


Copyright © 2017 Videllia Davis. All Rights Reserved.