I Deserve the King of Wakanda

Hey loves, it’s Videllia. Your favorite relationship and motivational blogger and I’m back with another blog post called “I Deserve the King of Wakanda” and so do you.  You can listen to the podcast below or keep scrolling to read the full post.

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I love the movie Black Panther. I saw it 3 times in theaters, once on an airplane and plan to buy the DVD lol. What I loved outside of the amazing storyline, great acting and eye candy was the way T’Challa treated the women in the movie, specifically Nakia.

For those that don’t know, in the storyline Nakia can be seen pursuing her own dreams of saving people while T’challa pursues her. Not only does he pursue her but he protects her. Not only does he protect her but he wants to provide for her. Not only does he provide for her but you can see how he loves and cherishes her. How he respects and admires her dreams and her vision for the world. Not only does he cherish her but you can see he makes her aware of his intentions. He hints at her being the Queen in Wakanda and to me their love relationship was so cute.

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(www.theringer.com)

While it is fictional of course being based on fictional characters it really got me to thinking – I deserve the King of Wakanda. I deserve a T’challa. No not in the sense of I need a man to be able to transform into some amazing super hero and kick butt all across the world but in the sense of everything he stood for.

I deserve a man who pursues me.

I deserve a man who protects me.

I deserve a man who wants to provide for me (as I want to provide for him).

I deserve a man who loves and cherishes me, who respects and admires me and my dreams. Who will support me in my dreams and figure out ways to help me pursue those things just as T’Challa supported Nakia.

I deserve a man who makes his intentions known – who let’s me know that I’m the one he wants and the one he wants to be with.

And sis, I’m here to tell you, that you do too! We deserve the King of Wakanda. We deserve a king. Now we can fight over which one we get, you can take T’Challa and I can take Killmonger (he was a King for a little bit there lol) No but in all seriousness, I’m here to encourage you to start believing that you deserve better than what you’ve been getting from these lames out here. If that man isn’t pursuing you with intention, isn’t protecting your heart, not showing you the love of God or treating you according to your worth, then that man just may not be the King God has designed for you.

You have to learn to be strong enough to wait for God’s best. I believe that there is a man out there who was specifically designed just for you and you need to stay encouraged. Your King is coming! Wakanda Forever.

Alright Queens, I hope that encourages you! And as always, be sure to like, comment, subscribe and share with a friend! Together, let’s empower one another to be Queens.

~Videllia

“When to invest time in someone”

Hey loves!

Have you ever wondered when you should invest time and energy into someone? I know I have. A lot of people wonder this same thing because we often find ourselves feeling like we’ve wasted time on someone who wasn’t worthy of it.

Well, my advice is to have an open conversation with the person you’re dating. Ask him/her what their intentions are and where they see things going. Hear the response but most importantly, make sure you pay attention to their actions! If a person says one thing but shows you something different with their actions, you may not want to invest your time or energy.

Check out my full video response to this question on my Relationship T.E.A. segment by clicking the YouTube link below. 

And if you have any dating questions that you want advice on, feel free to just reply to this email and I’ll post a video response for you too!  ~Videllia

“He’s Just Not That Into You”

A friend sent me the picture below not too long ago and it instantly reminded me of a time in my life (well let’s be honest here – SEVERAL times in my life lol) where I was all sad because I found myself interested in a man who obviously was not interested in me.  I remember one specific time, texting my friend these little crying face emoji’s (I know pathetic right? lol) as I was reminiscing on the times that I had shared with a man of my past that I no longer shared.

But then reality hit? What times did we actually share?

img_20161107_201555The late night text messages asking me to come over whenever it was convenient for him? The occasional meal that we shared only for weeks to go by in between when I would hear from him again?  The pretending like he didn’t know me in public but trying to be profess his “love” for me in private? When I actually stopped to take time to think about it – we didn’t really have any memorable moments for me to be sad at! In fact, the only thing that that man had done in my life was actually draw me further away from God. I began to put him on the throne instead of God. But still, I knew he liked me.  I mean, sure, it took him a while to respond and he never initiated conversations or dates or whatever but he was just busy right?

Does any of that sound familiar? Oh no? So you gone act like it was just me out here making excuses for these men huh? Lol, that’s okay.  The first step towards getting better for your life is admitting when you’ve been wrong. You see, as women, we make excuses for a man’s actions instead of accepting it for what it is.  If a man is interested in you (and not just your body, what you can do for him, etc.), he will show it.  Point. Blank. Period.  And guess what? You won’t have to convince yourself that he’s into you. You’ll just know it!

Something that we do often is try to create pieces to fit into a puzzle that were never destined to be there.  Still confused? Simply put, there is no sense in trying to force something that God never intended for you to have in the first place.  And just in case, you glossed over that part, let me repeat it to you–

THERE IS NO SENSE IN TRYING TO FORCE SOMETHING THAT GOD NEVER INTENDED FOR YOU TO HAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Write that down. Say it out loud. Make it your background on your phone. Go all Being Mary Jane with it, if you must!  Whatever you have to do to remind yourself that you deserve more then do it! You deserve someone who will initiate phone calls (and not just text messages), who will actually plan a date (instead of telling you to come over and Netflix and Chill), who will let you know where you stand in his life (instead of showing you he wants all the benefits of a boyfriend/husband without actually committing to you), who will tell you when he’s thinking about you (instead of ignoring you), and who is consistently around and trying to be around you.  And anyone who isn’t doing those things simply just isn’t into you beautiful.

You deserve a man who will make you a priority so stop settling for less! God’s very best man is out there and he’s ready to show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. (Sorry, I really love the movie Aladdin and that song is my jam lol).

Until next time loves….know your worth!

~Videllia

Dating…Not So Fast

In April 2016, I decided to take a no-dating fast since my friends were all concerned about my love life, or rather, lack thereof.

“You just don’t seem as excited about love anymore.”

“We’re concerned that you’ve gotten too comfortable being single. Don’t you still want to get married one day?”

While my friends meant well, they were actually pretty annoying (still love y’all!). I had finally gotten to a place in life where I was content dating Videllia. Who cares if I wasn’t actively searching for love anymore? I no longer spent my Friday nights worried about what “he” was doing, who “he” was with, or if “he” was thinking about me. I now only worried about what happy hour spot to visit, what to wear and how to do my hair. I was falling in love with Videllia – the one person I had neglected loving through all of my years of dating.

Still, my friends saw a shift in my attitude. But so what? I was tired of making poor choices in men only to have to constantly pick up the pieces of my heart.

 So, asking God to reveal anything within me that needed deliverance, I began my no-dating fast.

Isn’t it amazing how God will knock you off of your high horse to reveal that you are still the same broken and fragile person who needs him more than ever? In my devotional, “Pray While You Prey for Singles Part III,” the author wrote that she was no longer confident in her ability to choose a good man. She constantly feared that she would find herself in another situation where she was heartbroken so she didn’t put herself in a position to “choose” – she wouldn’t date. She had given herself so much power to make the decisions for her dating life that she had become paralyzed by her own fear.

How could it be that this woman knew EXACTLY how I felt? Sure, I’ve been smiling brighter and more boldly on the outside but when I got in bed each night, the tears still flowed.  The desire to be desired still existed.  The longing to be held and share my life with someone was still prevalent. I was content in being single – that much was true. However, what I didn’t realize, was that I had become paralyzed in my own contentment.

I had taken myself off of the dating scene not just because I wanted to be whole in Christ but because I was AFRAID TO DATE.

Afraid of being hurt and choosing another man who would hurt me and I worked too darn hard to heal from my past struggles to risk going through it again.

And that’s when it hit me. All of that power should not be placed on a man to fill my heart or on me to choose the right man. Instead, that power should have been given to God.

Does this sound like you? Perhaps, you have also become paralyzed by your own fear of making another “wrong” decision. Today, I want to encourage you to give that power of choice back to God.  That responsibility is too great for our sinful, fleshly natures to handle alone.  It is God that will bring you healing, restore your confidence and deliver that man for you.

You can’t allow your fear of being hurt to paralyze and cripple you into never stepping back out there.  Release it all to God and watch how he comes in and protects you on your single journey.

For my protection, God has allowed certain men to walk out of my life when I wanted them to stay because he knew they would be toxic for me. In hindsight, He was absolutely right! (Can I get an AMEN for closed doors?!)

Our God will do the same for you. Once you release all power to him, he will not only guide you through your singleness but he will protect your heart as well.

That is why it’s imperative that we make Christ the center of our hearts so that a man must seek HIM first in order to find us!

Let me pray for you…

“Lord we relinquish and release all power to you. Only you know what’s best for us. You know the desires of our hearts and only you can bless us with an exceeding and abundant overflow of love. Help us not to be paralyzed by our own fears anymore. Amen.”

-Videllia