“We have to learn to place more value in ourselves and our own worth than we do with this notion that we NEED to be with someone.” ~Author Unknown
How many of us find ourselves breaking our own hearts? I know I’ve done it numerous times before. You know – when you keep sitting by the phone waiting for that person that you think is “special” to hit you up. All the while they:
- never call
- never text
- don’t show you any consistency
- don’t make you a priority
- never initiate, plan or take you on dates
- always want you to explain your actions but go off on you when you want the same in return
- never give you a title – they don’t want to be in a relationship or refer to you as their boyfriend or girlfriend yet they feel entitled to doing things that people in relationships do (you know-asking you your whereabouts, who you with, why are you with them, when are you getting home and so forth).
This list can go on for miles! So, it makes me wonder, when are we (both men and women alike) going to learn to stop ignoring the red flags in our lives and stop breaking our own hearts? Proverbs 4:23 says, “above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”. You can’t expect anyone else to protect your heart – it is up to you!!!
Oftentimes when men and women get out of relationships they tend to, well, let’s be honest, blame the other person.
“Oh he cheated on me and broke my heart”.
“Well she only wanted me for my money and what I could do for her and when I wouldn’t do for her anymore, she broke my heart”.
And while those things may be true, most of the time, these men and women come with red flags – warning signs – before they do those things. You’ve heard the saying right – warning comes before destruction? Well what good is having a warning if we don’t actually take heed to it? Yes he cheated on you but you saw those lipstick stains on his shirt when he came over and you chose to ignore it. Sure she only wanted you for your money but she told you from jump that she was looking for a man to take care of her financially – but you thought you could change her. Is this making sense now?
We have to learn to place more value in ourselves and our own worth than we do with this notion that we NEED to be with someone. A lot of breaking our own hearts stems from the fact that many people in this world simply don’t know how to be alone. They see all of this stuff on social media, read all of these articles and blogs about how to get someone when they really need to first focus on learning how to love themselves. Once you learn to love SELF first, you won’t stand for anything that would harm you. You won’t ignore those warnings. And my brother or sister, being in a situation where there are numerous red flags, is indeed harmful for you. It’s harmful for your emotions, spirit and heart.
I’ve been single (by choice) now for almost 4 years. Prior to this time, I was always in a relationship. So as you can see, it was very hard for me to figure out who Videllia was, what Videllia liked, what Videllia was worth if I never gave myself anytime to actually date Videllia. It took my last relationship to be as toxic as it was to make me realize that I didn’t truly love myself and that some changes needed to be made. Therefore, I decided that I was going to spend some time getting to know Videllia for a change. And let me tell you – this season of singleness has probably been my best season yet!
Not only have I learned to love myself and am confident in my worth, but it was during this season that I saw major growth in various areas of my life. My spiritual walk with God heightened to new levels; I began to accelerate in my career, my relationships and interactions with friends, family and others improved my social life; I started this blog 🙂 ; I healed from past hurts; I forgave myself for past mistakes – I basically was able to finally develop into who God has called me to be!
I share all of that to encourage someone else out there. You may be single but find yourself in a situation where you know the man or woman you are interacting with is only causing more heart damage for you. I know it’s hard to walk away love but walking away may be the best thing that you could do for yourself. You may not see it now but oh when you get out of that place, you will see that you did the best thing! It is time for you to stop breaking your own heart!
#KnowYourWorthChallenge: In what ways have you been breaking your own heart? Why do you think that you choose to break your heart this way? Be honest with yourself as you reflect on these questions. Are you insecure? Are you afraid of being alone? What changes can you make so that you stop breaking your heart this way?
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