“Closure is a process by which people allow themselves to get caught up in because they are too afraid to let go” ~V.Davis
So this year I ended a situation with a guy. Discovered he had a whole relationship going on with someone else (smh lol). I called my cousin to tell her what happened and she asked me did I get a chance to ask him the questions that I wanted? Did I get a chance to get closure?
Sure I wanted to know how long he had been with her, and when did it start, and why did he start talking to me in the first place, and why didn’t he respect me or her but what good would any of those answers do? It wouldn’t change the fact that he was with her right now, in this very moment.
So I told my cousin the following statement: “closure” is a process by which people allow themselves to get caught up in because they are still too afraid to let something or someone go.
And I wasn’t afraid. Over the years I have learned my true value and worth in Christ. Therefore, I loved myself more than I liked this guy so I chose to end it. (That and the fact that I didn’t need any other woman trying to come attack me because her man was being trifling lol). I mean yeah I had a ton of “what-ifs” and “how-could-you-do-this-to-me” type questions but the answers to those questions wouldn’t change the fact that I still needed to end it (lest I lived life as a side chick and I am far too worthy to be anyone’s side chick! If you didn’t know, you better ask somebody!).
You see, I don’t allow myself (anymore) to get caught up in this idea of “closure”. I’ve taught myself how to let go of people and things without feeling the need to go through this arbitrary process that will still only leave me clinging and holding on to something/someone who isn’t good for me.
I mean think about it. How many people do you know have ended something with someone and they are like I need closure? And so to get that closure, they go to great lengths to try to see that person one more time or call them one more time. Child please! The only thing that seeing or talking to that person one more time does is just create more questions for you.
“You do not need closure to move on. What you do need is a determined mind that you are going to move forward because you value the person you see in the mirror more than you value the person or thing that’s causing pain in your life.” ~V.Davis
I remember when I lived in that fantasy land of “closure”. I would meet up with an ex or a friend that had betrayed me and asked them those questions. Why me? Why did you this? Why couldn’t you choose me? Don’t you love me? And their answers would be something so off the wall that it would cause me to only have more questions to ask. Then the whole “closure” process would start all over again because now I needed more answers to more questions that I hadn’t even considered.
It was a consistent cycle. One that kept my emotions on a roller coaster. One that kept that person or thing in my life for just a little while longer and left me hanging in the balance while I tried to figure out my next steps. It was consuming. It was hurtful. Most of all, it was draining!
You see, you do not need “closure” to move on. You do not need “closure” for healing. You do not need “closure” to pick up the pieces of your life. You do not need “closure” to cut that woman or man off. You simply don’t.
What you do need is a made-up and determined mind that you are going to move forward because you value the person you see in the mirror more than you value that person or thing that’s causing you pain. “Closure” won’t turn Mr. Wrong turn into Mr. Right. “Closure” won’t turn Ms. Disrespectful into Ms. Respectful. “Closure” won’t turn a bad situation into a positive one. And closure dang sure won’t turn a hoe into a housewife (I’m just saying…).
So if you know that “closure” won’t turn your situation around then why do you seek it as though it’s the one thing hindering you from living your life? Could it be that you are having a harder time of letting go of something/someone who you know you need to release and you’re more so struggling with that versus this idea of closure? I mean be honest with yourself. We keep saying we need closure but the reality is (sometimes) we look for closure in situations that God has already told us to close the door on. (Oops did I say that?! Let me say it again because you may have missed it…). SOMETIMES WE LOOK FOR CLOSURE IN SITUATIONS THAT GOD HAS ALREADY TOLD US TO CLOSE THE DOOR ON. And we struggle with that because what we want doesn’t align with what God wants for our lives.
“Sometimes we look for closure in situations that God has already told us to close the door on. We struggle because what we want doesn’t align with what God wants for our lives.” ~V.Davis
Well my sistah or brotha, stop seeking closure and start seeking God. I’m not saying that if you aren’t given the opportunity to have an adult conversation with someone about your relationship then you should not take it. If you have the opportunity to do so, then do so. Sometimes, having answers just helps moving on easier BUT know that it is not required in order to move forward. Always remember that it is ultimately God who will heal your broken heart, fix your wounds, and allow you to truly move on.
Won’t you learn to just LET… IT… GO?