Future Husband or Nah? (Part 2 of Crazy Eddie)

I’m 27. Single. Woman of God.  Believer in the Christian faith.  But the men I meet? Boy oh boy.

or nahSo, last week I introduced you all to Eddie.  (If you missed it, catch up here).

So, the next morning, Eddie sends me a text asking to meet up for breakfast and lunch and to take me shopping. (First, of all, I already told you I have to work and then have church, did you not listen to me?)  But instead of being mean, I simply thanked him for his offer, told him I had commitments during the day and that while I appreciate the offer to go shopping, I’m not the kind of woman that’s checking for his money.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy being spoiled from time to time, but dating is an investment.  You just met me and you should want to get to know me to see if I’m even worth spending money on.  That’s how I feel.  I know a lot of men come into contact with what they call “gold-diggers” and women who are just after coins, but me? I want a man to make love to my mind. I want a man who will pull out his Bible and spoil me with scriptures of God’s word not just spoil me with physical gifts (shrugs).

I’m not sure if that caught Eddie off-guard but he seemed to be pretty shocked (perhaps, he is used to women trying to take advantage of him).  Instead, he just asks that I give him a call that night after church to see if we could meet up.

I call him around 7:30.  He says he wants to see me and invites me over to his house to watch movies and once again, he mentions ordering I-Hop (what’s up with this dude and this dang I-Hop?).  Um, sir, didn’t we just have this discussion last night how I don’t know you and that you nor I will be visiting each other’s houses anytime soon.  PLUS, as my friend Jazz says, it was raining cats and rats outside and I was not about to drive in some bad weather to go to a man’s house that I didn’t know .  Really?!

Instead of ending the convo, he starts asking me a series of questions.

  • What’s your favorite color? (Purple)
  • What’s your favorite food? (Mexican…okay these questions aren’t so bad…)
  • What country would you like me to take you to? (Um, I want to go to Europe, but you taking me? eh…)
  • What kind of fruit would do you want me to feed to you? (Uh-oh…and we’re back…I like strawberries, I don’t know about you feeding them to me though)

I mean he goes on and on.  Then, finally, he asks me to tell him something good and bad about myself. I tell him that I’m faithful and loyal. I skipped the bad stuff part – yes I have flaws, but I just didn’t know how much I wanted to reveal to this man just met.  He tells me that he too is faithful and is looking for a woman to settle down with. “I’m 29, I have a son, and I’m tired of all the games. I’m looking for a wife.  That’s why I approached you. I think you could be my wife”, he says. ” However, some bad things about me are that women say that I can come off as too aggressive (noooo waaayyy, really? hmm…I wonder why…). I also have a high sexual appetite so I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing for you”.

“Hmm, well, let me just stop you right there,” I say. “I guess one thing about me that you may consider bad is that I practice celibacy and am abstaining from sex.”

(Coutesy of memegenerator.net)
(Coutesy of memegenerator.net)

“You mean like until you get married?” the disappointed Eddie replied.

“I mean, that is the ultimate goal.  But even more than religion, I just can’t give my body to a man who doesn’t value and respect it.”

“Well, I’m a logical person. Sex is just sex. And I can’t be with anyone who doesn’t give me good sex.  I tried to be with a good woman but I didn’t enjoy sex with her.” Eddie responded. “You should really think about that. No man is going to want to wait for sex.”

“That’s fine, I’m used to it,” I respond very matter-of-factly. “You’re not telling me anything that I haven’t already heard. But the thing is, I’m confident in my worth and my God. I’m only 27 so I don’t feel the need to cave and give in right now. I’m not here to judge you. If you have sex, that’s fine, but you won’t be having sex with me, so maybe you and I should just go our separate ways.”

“All I’m saying is that that’s how women end up being 38 and single. So if you end up being 38 and not married, then maybe you should reconsider,” says the 29-year-old Eddie.

(Did he just? No, he didn’t. He did. Really? Is this your way of trying to convince me that I should give in to you bro? You think just because you send me a half-naked photo that I’mma want to let you climb up in me? Sadly mistaken…)

“Well I don’t believe that I’ll have to do that,” I say.  “I know that it’s going to take a special man to be able to handle that and I still have hope that God is going to send that man to me when it’s time. I’m in no rush.” (Those are the words that came out of my mouth.  But the words that were running through my head? Yeah, let’s just say there were a little different lol but  I had to hold on to my Christianity lol…hey I’m still a work in progress – don’t judge lol).

Interrupting my thoughts, this stupid a– BOY says, “I’m just saying, I’m not going to buy a house after only seeing the front and back yards.  I’m going to want to go inside it too before I buy.”

He keeps going, “Like I said sex is sex.  I have to have sex with whomever I date.  I have a high sexual appetite and need a girl who is good in bed – ”

At this point I have tuned him out.  Wow! Now I’ve heard dudes saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk free, but I’ve never heard a guy use the analogy of a house to symbolize my vagina.  I must admit, it was a clever analogy, but it didn’t win any brownie points with me.

“Well Eddie, like I said, there’s really no need to waste each other’s time, here. You want what you want, and I know what I’m not going to do but there’s no hard feelings.  Let’s just keep it moving,” I respond as nicely as I possibly can (well, I probably could’ve been a little nicer but he was getting on my nerves at this point).

“I have to run to the restroom, I’ll give you a call back,” Eddie says.

“Okay,” I say and  delete his number immediately upon hanging up.  I know what that “I’mma call you back” response means.  My feelings are not hurt at all.  If you want to move around because I won’t “let you inside my house” that’s your business.  It’s going to take more than a little downpayment to get up inside me bro.  Your loss.

I didn’t hear back from Eddie that night….

…but he did hit me up the next day….and it appears he’s not trying to take no for an answer…

Tune in next week for crazy Eddie – part 3 and how my friend tells me that she actually knows Eddie from a few months prior…such a small world…

You don’t want to miss this…

-V.Davis